Its day 2 of the raw food. i have decided that i could not stand just eating raw food for 30 days. in no way was that going to be possible especially with school and all that so im still not eating cooked foods but i am going to be jucing a lot and drinking a llot of water.i will also steam my veggies so they are easier to eat. :) i will look up some cool recepies :) i do plan to be a vegitarian. not a completly raw one though becasue i cant eat 100 % raw all the time like bread its procoessed so things like that but this will be like my new thing. i will be eating really healthy. i am not looking for quick weightloss but as time goes on im sure i will feel better and smaller. i feel bloded nnot and i look bigger because im on my period so .... my weight fluctuates a lot too so by friday of this week i should be at a normal weight :) so heres an over veiw of what my eating looks like.
*lots of veggies .. steamed or raw
*lots of raw fruits
* lots of fruit juices
*hard broiled egg :)/poached egg
*tofu ( get some)
* sea weed
*usalted nuts
* tuna in water
* whole wheat bread ( 50 calorie one)
No- No rules
* no soda,drinks with sugar.
*no foods with sugar except peanut butter.
* no adding sugar at all.
* no oil at all
* no meats but tuna in water
"A journey of a thousand miles started with one tiny step" -Confuscious
look forward :)
Monday, August 31, 2009
Sunday, August 30, 2009
Raw Food day 1 .. Kinda confused ??
hey so before anything i want to update you on my journey so far on the raw food diet.
today was great i had NO cravings what so ever. not hungry. i made an awsome carrot and lmelon drink was a bit sweet form the cantaloupe so i mixed t wwith my green one and it was great :)
♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥
okey so heres the deal. im doing this 30 day vegan challenge thing and its not some challenge i actually want to take it a step futher and make it a permant life style change. the only reason its only 30 days is for me to see changes in my body .. detoxiting, weight loss, clear thinking, clear skin, better attitude towards people and surrounding. so heres the deal
Vegans- dont eat meat or products of animals
Vegitarians- dont eat meat
Raw foodist- dont eat cooked foods. ussualy dehydrated below 116 F
when you combine ither the vegan or the vegitarian with raw it makes it more intense.
i have no problem not eating animal products or cutting out meat. my porblem is i want to steam or boil my veggies becuase things like broccilie i cant just eat it raw. so heres my plan. im not going to be cooking anything as far as oil and pans go. but i will occasionally boil some veggie.
so i can EAT..
all fruits
all veggies.
all nuts.
so lets see what i will decide as the days go
EAT
today was great i had NO cravings what so ever. not hungry. i made an awsome carrot and lmelon drink was a bit sweet form the cantaloupe so i mixed t wwith my green one and it was great :)
♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥
okey so heres the deal. im doing this 30 day vegan challenge thing and its not some challenge i actually want to take it a step futher and make it a permant life style change. the only reason its only 30 days is for me to see changes in my body .. detoxiting, weight loss, clear thinking, clear skin, better attitude towards people and surrounding. so heres the deal
Vegans- dont eat meat or products of animals
Vegitarians- dont eat meat
Raw foodist- dont eat cooked foods. ussualy dehydrated below 116 F
when you combine ither the vegan or the vegitarian with raw it makes it more intense.
i have no problem not eating animal products or cutting out meat. my porblem is i want to steam or boil my veggies becuase things like broccilie i cant just eat it raw. so heres my plan. im not going to be cooking anything as far as oil and pans go. but i will occasionally boil some veggie.
so i can EAT..
all fruits
all veggies.
all nuts.
so lets see what i will decide as the days go
EAT
Saturday, August 29, 2009
♥ 30 DAY RAW FOOD CHALLENGE ♥
Why raw ?
raw food is the best food out there.
organic and no pestecides or preservateives.
no chemical. its how nature intended for food
to be. it is food created by nature , unprocessed
by human !
Benefits ?
you can cure tons of desiese's and sicknesses
like back pain etc. it will detox you body very well and
will clean you out of all the toxins. makes hair,skin,nails
as helathy as they can be. makes you soul come Alive !
you feel more confident and better. you have more energy you
wont be sluggish. the meals wont put you to sleep like poison
you will lose weight the best way possible. This is as good as it gets!
Goal-
This is the 30 day raw food challenge.
your task is to eat only raw Foods for 30 days.
Rules-
no Sugar unless from a real source like a fruit.
no dairy procucts.
no meats what so ever.
No cooked foods at all.
What to eat ?
*All Veggies...
*All fruits
*All seeds and nuts
*All sprouted grains
Drinks ?
Fruity drinks
green machine Drinks
WATER ! ( essential to the 30 day challenge)
Pointers!
Stick to lots of green leafy veggies.
Eat fruits in modetation probably 1-2 per day
for example fruits like banana should not be eaten more than twice a week
fruits are hgih in sugar so make sure majority of your daily intake comes from veggies
you can steam, boil , puree or eat it straight up Raw. :)
Drink a lot of water to help the detoxing effect.
Get plenty of rest.
Read the bible and stay close with the lord and
make sure your mind set is on the line.
constantly remind your self of what you want and need
and what needs to be done. keep motivating your self
if there is no motivation you know that you will fail guaranteed so
YES WE CAN DO IT ! AND YOU WILL!
lets have a posteive attitude and remeber no pain no gain
so when pain comes its also telling gain to come along :)
school's About to start OMG !! hehe and im going to be a rw foodist :)
Alrighty so school will start on moday and today is saturday night.
so i only have 1 ful day left then school starts. i know even the first
day of school they kinda make you do work so its hardcore from the start.
i really hope this year goes by smooth, with nice freinds, me closer to god,
no drama, awsome teachers :)
i have prayed for that over and over again. i dont know what more i can do
i guess get closer to god so that i can give him what he wants and so that
he can give me what i need. its like a give and take. but his is way more than
i can ever give so im lucky im the one getting all the good stuff. i am really
wanting to go raw but i dont know how long that will last because i know myself and how many times i have given in and failed. i jsut love food too much. i am not going to quit tho. i know
those people who are 100 % raw foodist now where where i am now and have battled to get to where they are and i know it will be worth it. i need to educate my self more on the raw food life style change and look into the raw food vegan, vegitarian etc..
school is going to start in 1 day and i am not going to eat that yucky burgur . chicekn patty, pb and j or fries! i cant belive i used to put that junk into my body. i serioueslt promise that i wont that is so going low eww ! if i eat school food then i am really messed up in the head.
lets see what this school year brings :)
so i only have 1 ful day left then school starts. i know even the first
day of school they kinda make you do work so its hardcore from the start.
i really hope this year goes by smooth, with nice freinds, me closer to god,
no drama, awsome teachers :)
i have prayed for that over and over again. i dont know what more i can do
i guess get closer to god so that i can give him what he wants and so that
he can give me what i need. its like a give and take. but his is way more than
i can ever give so im lucky im the one getting all the good stuff. i am really
wanting to go raw but i dont know how long that will last because i know myself and how many times i have given in and failed. i jsut love food too much. i am not going to quit tho. i know
those people who are 100 % raw foodist now where where i am now and have battled to get to where they are and i know it will be worth it. i need to educate my self more on the raw food life style change and look into the raw food vegan, vegitarian etc..
school is going to start in 1 day and i am not going to eat that yucky burgur . chicekn patty, pb and j or fries! i cant belive i used to put that junk into my body. i serioueslt promise that i wont that is so going low eww ! if i eat school food then i am really messed up in the head.
lets see what this school year brings :)
Tuesday, August 25, 2009
GREAT JUICING IDEAS
Beat Splash-
Citrus-
Bana-Peach
Tangey-Mango
- 1 full beet.
- 1 lime
- 1 celery with leaves
- 3/4 cup water
Citrus-
- 2 oranges
- 1 full carrot
- 1/2 lime
- 1/2 water
- 1 apple
Bana-Peach
- 2 bananas
- 2 fuzzy peach
- 1/2 lime
- 1 cup of water
Tangey-Mango
- 1 mango
- yougurt
- 1 /2 cup of water
- 1 Banana
RAW DAY 1
Todays days one :) ♥
Its very exciting. I finished my 24 hour fast today and it was great but challenging.
so i ate peanut butter sandwhich and injara with wet and salsa so it was a lot to eat it wasnt huge but it was a lot of food to eat all at onece so i understand i was hungry and craving things.
so im kinda starting this raw day late because i just got the great amazing idea just now so i drank this amazing raw juice. it all started with mom being sick she has a cold and has been having stomahc pains the past week so dad wanted to buy her carrot juice and i got the idea of making it at home so this amazing thing happned from one simple idea. its going to be life changing :)
It had,
Its very exciting. I finished my 24 hour fast today and it was great but challenging.
so i ate peanut butter sandwhich and injara with wet and salsa so it was a lot to eat it wasnt huge but it was a lot of food to eat all at onece so i understand i was hungry and craving things.
so im kinda starting this raw day late because i just got the great amazing idea just now so i drank this amazing raw juice. it all started with mom being sick she has a cold and has been having stomahc pains the past week so dad wanted to buy her carrot juice and i got the idea of making it at home so this amazing thing happned from one simple idea. its going to be life changing :)
It had,
- 2 peaches
- 1 red apple
- 1 big carrot
- about 1 cup of water
- coupel tiny lettuce's
i had like 3 cups because it was so YUMMY ! ♥♥♥
JUCING RAW ?
I have heard so much about it but never really tried it so i thought it was about time that i get my body back into shape the healthy way. over this short amount of time meaning summer, i have learned so much about weightloss and how the body works and its been an exciting journey. but along the way i did try some things like not eating or unhealthy eating to get into shape and thats never worked. too much working out never worked so i have discovered that the only way i will be truely happy is if i listen to my body and what it needs. most of time i think we try to control our won body and thats not the case at all. you should listen to your body becuase your body knows what it needs. no im not syaing listen to everything but you need to learn the difference on what your body needs and what its craving for. craving wont even become a problem if you start eaitng less sugar , fats, and processed foods. after a while your body starts to change and like it and you will feel so much better so you wont want to go back. now as far as the Jucing raw. i am going to try it and stick with it because its a very good way to get all the nutrients you need throughout the day. its very easy and its fun coming up with new recpies or trying new ones out. it will also fill you up and keep you healthy inside and out and you will look great so its a great change. my goal by probably next summer is to be eating at least 90% raw. im not saying i need to cut out meats but i do want to cut out meats in moderation and also i want to get into great shape and stop yo-yo dieting. this is a lifestyle change. im probably going to have cravings or set backs but its a pattern of learning and gradually taking away the bad foods. i dont actually think any food is bad as long as you know when and how much to have. its not about taking away food its about adding and also eating in moderation. one thing i cant stress enough is portion size. our stomach can handle only a certain amount of foods but over time we eat so much junk and our stomach expands and we crave more things and it gets out of control so its important to watch out because sometimes it becomes something we cant control and we find our self in a pit we cant seem to get out of. it has a lot to do with your nocturnal state as well as physical but mostly it is very mental. food is liek a drug. it has hormones and affects you body a lot so you need a healthy strategie to get you up and running. i know at the end im going to be happy and its exciting thinkning about it now. at the same time im reminded constantly of the past and how many times i have said i will do this and that and how many times i have failed miserably. Life's shrot i cnat stress over every little set back . afterall i am human but again that cant be my excuse everytime. but going raw is probably the best decision i have ever made. today i s day one so i'll post updates on how its going
POsT FaSt
hey !
okey lets talk about the fast. i think it went well but not liek i had initiallly planned because i wasnt supposed to sleep. i was beyond tired half the time fighting the urge to sleep .
dont know why i was so tired the only thing i can guess is because i had no food or water an di ddint know water cause make such a difference vs. without food and water.
i read a lot. i was actually organized as always so i planned what i was going to read. i read from a the bible things i would have never even thought about like duturomony or 2 chronicles.
so im happy im reading at a new level and im not so terified of the old testament. they names can get confusing but if i just relaz and foucus and try not to think much of it i'll be fine.
i peed the morning i started and also mid day and i didnt pee after that until i was actually done at 7.00 am. :)
it was weird it was sleeping ,waking up, boredem, reading, and jsut the whole cycle. but i forced my self to add the times i was awake and reading most of the time and it was 14 hours so it pretty good. its funny the first time i dozed off it wasnt controlable or it was kinda ?
but anyways i gave into to the pressure to sleep because i was so over whelmed. so i did sleep and few hours here and there. i said the prayer thing dad gave me. but i grew tired of it and i honestly thought if something was ment to happen it would have happned and so i also prayed with my oown prayer for angles. i guess i didnt do it long enough, im not worthy , or its not my time. so this is an update asto how my fast went.
after my fasti was not going to eat but i was mentally tired so i was liek wat ever let me eat i cant keep this up any longer anywyas and dont want to be all weird at the doctors so i ate willingly i wasnt guilty or anything afterwards so yea i ate injara with jalepeno, tomatoe, onion, black pepp
er, awaze (tiny) , 2 limes :) also a peanut butter sandwich.
i understand i was hungry but now i just ate a little bit of inajara with wet.
and the wet wasnt oily at all it was rather dry so yea im trying to keep up the weightloss because i was 110 or 109 when i got out of the fast before anything so i know im going to gain. what ever im just trying to lead a heal;thy life style enjoying food but in a good modarate way .
in my mind im liek your going to fail again liek those 100 ither times and my response is.
MY LIFES TO SHORT WHAT EVER HAPPNBES HAPPNES BUT I WILL NOT ALLOW MY SELF TO LEAD AN UNHEALTHY LIFE STYLE BECUSE I HAVE FAILED IN THE PAST. YOU LEARN AND YOU MOVE ON AND I WILL FIND WHAT WORKS FOR ME :)
okey lets talk about the fast. i think it went well but not liek i had initiallly planned because i wasnt supposed to sleep. i was beyond tired half the time fighting the urge to sleep .
dont know why i was so tired the only thing i can guess is because i had no food or water an di ddint know water cause make such a difference vs. without food and water.
i read a lot. i was actually organized as always so i planned what i was going to read. i read from a the bible things i would have never even thought about like duturomony or 2 chronicles.
so im happy im reading at a new level and im not so terified of the old testament. they names can get confusing but if i just relaz and foucus and try not to think much of it i'll be fine.
i peed the morning i started and also mid day and i didnt pee after that until i was actually done at 7.00 am. :)
it was weird it was sleeping ,waking up, boredem, reading, and jsut the whole cycle. but i forced my self to add the times i was awake and reading most of the time and it was 14 hours so it pretty good. its funny the first time i dozed off it wasnt controlable or it was kinda ?
but anyways i gave into to the pressure to sleep because i was so over whelmed. so i did sleep and few hours here and there. i said the prayer thing dad gave me. but i grew tired of it and i honestly thought if something was ment to happen it would have happned and so i also prayed with my oown prayer for angles. i guess i didnt do it long enough, im not worthy , or its not my time. so this is an update asto how my fast went.
after my fasti was not going to eat but i was mentally tired so i was liek wat ever let me eat i cant keep this up any longer anywyas and dont want to be all weird at the doctors so i ate willingly i wasnt guilty or anything afterwards so yea i ate injara with jalepeno, tomatoe, onion, black pepp
er, awaze (tiny) , 2 limes :) also a peanut butter sandwich.
i understand i was hungry but now i just ate a little bit of inajara with wet.
and the wet wasnt oily at all it was rather dry so yea im trying to keep up the weightloss because i was 110 or 109 when i got out of the fast before anything so i know im going to gain. what ever im just trying to lead a heal;thy life style enjoying food but in a good modarate way .
in my mind im liek your going to fail again liek those 100 ither times and my response is.
MY LIFES TO SHORT WHAT EVER HAPPNBES HAPPNES BUT I WILL NOT ALLOW MY SELF TO LEAD AN UNHEALTHY LIFE STYLE BECUSE I HAVE FAILED IN THE PAST. YOU LEARN AND YOU MOVE ON AND I WILL FIND WHAT WORKS FOR ME :)
Sunday, August 23, 2009
THIS IS MY FAST FOR YOU < GOD ! ♥♥♥
God i come here here before you and i surrender.
I want to do this 24 hour fast for you with no food
water, electronics or anything but your words to encourage me :)
I ask you to help me and be there.
i am just trying to suffer for my lord jesus.
For he had to suffer 100 times more.
This is my way to show my love.
For i can never repay you i'll try.
I ask you to help me in this tought time.
I also have a favor to ask you.
Would you help me feel your presence ,
and show me some type of miracel.
not because i dont belive but because
it would make us closer and i would love to see it.
Lord help me so that i can get into deeper concentration
with you and really pray for everyone.
This fast is for me to show you my love for you
and to gain some wisdom and knowledge.
yesterday the Holy spirit led me to tyler pirkle
the amazing , nice boy at school which i shared
my testimony with. I will pray for him and i ask
you to work in his life like never before.
lord you say you can do it and i know you will
so show me soon :) in your own time
everything shall happen. i go by your will
not mine. So in this fast i ask you to
open up my ears and let me see.
take all the bitterness away from me
for the fast let my room be your
throne where you are all the time
in the name of jesus i pray
that you will help me and
let me see the unknown
so i can be a witness for you
i know oyu have called me to do this
and i have avoided it and here it goes now
i have already stopeed eating at about 5.00 pm
so i will not eat or drink for 14 hours and then
i wont sleep or do anything but pray and read
for 24 full hours :) my fast starts at exactly 7.00 am
I want to do this 24 hour fast for you with no food
water, electronics or anything but your words to encourage me :)
I ask you to help me and be there.
i am just trying to suffer for my lord jesus.
For he had to suffer 100 times more.
This is my way to show my love.
For i can never repay you i'll try.
I ask you to help me in this tought time.
I also have a favor to ask you.
Would you help me feel your presence ,
and show me some type of miracel.
not because i dont belive but because
it would make us closer and i would love to see it.
Lord help me so that i can get into deeper concentration
with you and really pray for everyone.
This fast is for me to show you my love for you
and to gain some wisdom and knowledge.
yesterday the Holy spirit led me to tyler pirkle
the amazing , nice boy at school which i shared
my testimony with. I will pray for him and i ask
you to work in his life like never before.
lord you say you can do it and i know you will
so show me soon :) in your own time
everything shall happen. i go by your will
not mine. So in this fast i ask you to
open up my ears and let me see.
take all the bitterness away from me
for the fast let my room be your
throne where you are all the time
in the name of jesus i pray
that you will help me and
let me see the unknown
so i can be a witness for you
i know oyu have called me to do this
and i have avoided it and here it goes now
i have already stopeed eating at about 5.00 pm
so i will not eat or drink for 14 hours and then
i wont sleep or do anything but pray and read
for 24 full hours :) my fast starts at exactly 7.00 am
Friday, August 21, 2009
What just happned ?
this is what im going to say to him
so basically i dont allow my self to like someone easily. i will try to avoid it for some reason. maybe its fear getting hurt or something but i do. i know ur a great guy and any girl would be luckey to have you . its not our relationship that made us break up. its me realizing that im not ready to have a boyfried. now being ready can be differnt for people. one person could be ready for what ever reason and another person might not . having somone be with me like that would mean i would have to commit to them and give them all they need. and i dont think i can give my best now. as i told you i see my self dating when im more mature and older. you can call me immature watever but bottom line is that i want to stress over other things than a relationship. cuz i know when ever im dating i always feel there is pressure with school family and i just dont see why its so nescessary to have it. but i do feel you are more mature and ready than i am. you are ready to date and to love someone and be loved and im not. so thats why i told you that you dont have to wait. im happy when in not dating because all the time there is shit that happnes and ours isnt going to be perfect ither. at the same time i know dating someone can change a lot of things and could work out . thinking about the future for me is something fun and i would love to be happy in the future but i dont want to start that journey now. i want to wait till i can say " oke lets do this. im ready. i got nothing on my mind " thats how i want to feel. especially with my parents. i want them to know im dating because i dont want to feel like im hiding from them it should be a happy time for everyone. i belive there is a right guy out there for me but im jsut done with dating this one and that one you kno ? . im tired of it like searching for my future soul mate. i want to know and say that i am ready . but right now i cant say that and i probably would sounds dumb if i said that cause where i am right now i got too much to think about. . and it takes me a long time to let somone in its like i put a guard up. just as much as you im learning about my self. like i said its not you. and im sorry if you feel like i dragged you into this and then said WAIT ! im not ready. it happnes. life is weird at times. i am following my heart and if that means there will be pain or difficult times along the way then be it. im not trying to run away from that so babe .. you get wat i mean ?
so basically i dont allow my self to like someone easily. i will try to avoid it for some reason. maybe its fear getting hurt or something but i do. i know ur a great guy and any girl would be luckey to have you . its not our relationship that made us break up. its me realizing that im not ready to have a boyfried. now being ready can be differnt for people. one person could be ready for what ever reason and another person might not . having somone be with me like that would mean i would have to commit to them and give them all they need. and i dont think i can give my best now. as i told you i see my self dating when im more mature and older. you can call me immature watever but bottom line is that i want to stress over other things than a relationship. cuz i know when ever im dating i always feel there is pressure with school family and i just dont see why its so nescessary to have it. but i do feel you are more mature and ready than i am. you are ready to date and to love someone and be loved and im not. so thats why i told you that you dont have to wait. im happy when in not dating because all the time there is shit that happnes and ours isnt going to be perfect ither. at the same time i know dating someone can change a lot of things and could work out . thinking about the future for me is something fun and i would love to be happy in the future but i dont want to start that journey now. i want to wait till i can say " oke lets do this. im ready. i got nothing on my mind " thats how i want to feel. especially with my parents. i want them to know im dating because i dont want to feel like im hiding from them it should be a happy time for everyone. i belive there is a right guy out there for me but im jsut done with dating this one and that one you kno ? . im tired of it like searching for my future soul mate. i want to know and say that i am ready . but right now i cant say that and i probably would sounds dumb if i said that cause where i am right now i got too much to think about. . and it takes me a long time to let somone in its like i put a guard up. just as much as you im learning about my self. like i said its not you. and im sorry if you feel like i dragged you into this and then said WAIT ! im not ready. it happnes. life is weird at times. i am following my heart and if that means there will be pain or difficult times along the way then be it. im not trying to run away from that so babe .. you get wat i mean ?
Wednesday, August 19, 2009
LOVE ???
okey so guess whos's not single anymore.
its weird i have wanted a relaionship and to be happy but now that its here im freaking out! honestly i dont like commitment. not that i want to do anything but i jsut dont like it . i guess maybe the submitting to the person all the way and im scared i will be hurt and im scared it wont work out or i wont love the person as much as they love me. because to me when a guy is k=just to loved duvy its weird for me. its too fast for me i guess. i dont know how to handle all these feelings at once. one second im happy another im weird. i dont like that and i dont feel like he feels liek that. i think anthoney feels and likes me a lot and hes feelings are stable but mine are so shakey. i always try to find something wrong for some reason. dont know why but i have done that for as long as i can remeber. its a really bad thing and i want it to stop. sometimes i feel like im saying things to make the other person happy when i dont even know how i feel. for example anthoney said he would cry if he lost me and that i mean so much to him to me its different. if i lost him then i would just moveon i would liek to knwo him better but i think the looks are getting to me. he's cute but then he looks kinds weird. i bet pick something about everyone liek im perfect. im not i have my own insecurities but i dont know why i do that and i want to love as easily as im loved but it takes so much longer. i guess i put this huge wall no one can get to. like sometimes i would want to say something but iw ont because i would be liek ohh this is giving him too much confidence i want to look strong. im being honest and i feel akward when someone loves me more than i love them because i feel so pressured to say all these things that some times i have no control over what happnes its like im on the side line letting things get out of control. maybe i belive people too much. i kist dont know why its so hard for me to say things and mean them. its sad because it makes me feel like i have a cold heart or something. tthe guy wouldnt even have to do anything but i would just dislike him for a bit and them like him so much the next day. im not sure if this is noraml. but its freaking me out. im never sure of anything. but then agian when i think about him he makes me happy and he is so different. getting a text from him makes my heart melt everything that comes out of his mouth is flattering. i guess it takes me way longer than regular people to let someone in all the way.
. t
its weird i have wanted a relaionship and to be happy but now that its here im freaking out! honestly i dont like commitment. not that i want to do anything but i jsut dont like it . i guess maybe the submitting to the person all the way and im scared i will be hurt and im scared it wont work out or i wont love the person as much as they love me. because to me when a guy is k=just to loved duvy its weird for me. its too fast for me i guess. i dont know how to handle all these feelings at once. one second im happy another im weird. i dont like that and i dont feel like he feels liek that. i think anthoney feels and likes me a lot and hes feelings are stable but mine are so shakey. i always try to find something wrong for some reason. dont know why but i have done that for as long as i can remeber. its a really bad thing and i want it to stop. sometimes i feel like im saying things to make the other person happy when i dont even know how i feel. for example anthoney said he would cry if he lost me and that i mean so much to him to me its different. if i lost him then i would just moveon i would liek to knwo him better but i think the looks are getting to me. he's cute but then he looks kinds weird. i bet pick something about everyone liek im perfect. im not i have my own insecurities but i dont know why i do that and i want to love as easily as im loved but it takes so much longer. i guess i put this huge wall no one can get to. like sometimes i would want to say something but iw ont because i would be liek ohh this is giving him too much confidence i want to look strong. im being honest and i feel akward when someone loves me more than i love them because i feel so pressured to say all these things that some times i have no control over what happnes its like im on the side line letting things get out of control. maybe i belive people too much. i kist dont know why its so hard for me to say things and mean them. its sad because it makes me feel like i have a cold heart or something. tthe guy wouldnt even have to do anything but i would just dislike him for a bit and them like him so much the next day. im not sure if this is noraml. but its freaking me out. im never sure of anything. but then agian when i think about him he makes me happy and he is so different. getting a text from him makes my heart melt everything that comes out of his mouth is flattering. i guess it takes me way longer than regular people to let someone in all the way.
. t
Monday, August 17, 2009
GUT BUSTER
hey !
so i have this great plan to lose weight for the new school year.
its going to be a challenge but here it goes. im not going to eat any injara or wet they go along duh :) i cant have more than slice of whole grain bread. only calories yay. so my calorie intake will be extemly low becuase im also going to be working out. i will start tomorrow the 18 th of august and it will end on the 30 th becuase school starts on the 31 . so that gives me about 2 weeks. i have never ever kept with something that long. so lets see how it goes. here are some base rules. all you cna eat steamed veggies. fruit in moderation. no oil what so ever. no sugar what so ever except in fruits. workout will be everyday abs done every other day. cardio using the air climber should be done every day. its only 30 minutes . it has resistance which will give you the toned look :) no oil allowed what so ever no milk no egg yolk no sugar additives or foods made with sugar already. no wet because no injara allowed. only one slice of whole grain bread allowed per day
DRINKS- only water, green tea etc. (no sugar)
EATS- all green veggies, some fruits, egg whites, whole grain bread ( 1 slice per day ) thats it
WORKOUT - every day, abs every toher day, :)
so here is what a day looks like :)
breakfast- egg whites and apple Water
snack- tuna canned in water Water
lunch- broccoli with lime Water
snack- fruit Water
dinner - stemaed mixed veggies Water
so i have this great plan to lose weight for the new school year.
its going to be a challenge but here it goes. im not going to eat any injara or wet they go along duh :) i cant have more than slice of whole grain bread. only calories yay. so my calorie intake will be extemly low becuase im also going to be working out. i will start tomorrow the 18 th of august and it will end on the 30 th becuase school starts on the 31 . so that gives me about 2 weeks. i have never ever kept with something that long. so lets see how it goes. here are some base rules. all you cna eat steamed veggies. fruit in moderation. no oil what so ever. no sugar what so ever except in fruits. workout will be everyday abs done every other day. cardio using the air climber should be done every day. its only 30 minutes . it has resistance which will give you the toned look :) no oil allowed what so ever no milk no egg yolk no sugar additives or foods made with sugar already. no wet because no injara allowed. only one slice of whole grain bread allowed per day
DRINKS- only water, green tea etc. (no sugar)
EATS- all green veggies, some fruits, egg whites, whole grain bread ( 1 slice per day ) thats it
WORKOUT - every day, abs every toher day, :)
so here is what a day looks like :)
breakfast- egg whites and apple Water
snack- tuna canned in water Water
lunch- broccoli with lime Water
snack- fruit Water
dinner - stemaed mixed veggies Water
things turned south!
last two days i have been eating bad not too bad but bad drinking soda eating suagry crackers lots of injara carbs etc..
tomorrow i want to start the new plan im creating to kick start my weightloss
imnot sad though like other days. it started with lizzies party tho and instead of stopping i went home and ate then the next day i ate sugar crackers turne to fant and chocolate etc.. it all starts iwth one bad desicion that can throw you back to quare one the scale says i gained 4 pounds form 114 to 118 maybe i was 116 i dunno but i'll check tomorrow morining.
anywyas todayw as such a cool day i was so happy fileld with the lords love. i was nice to everyone.
maybe cursed a lot and didnt give god the time he disserved and i also few of the prank calls were bad not needed at all..
so i'll ask for forgivness now im about to pray and read the bible so
see ya later :)
tomorrow i want to start the new plan im creating to kick start my weightloss
imnot sad though like other days. it started with lizzies party tho and instead of stopping i went home and ate then the next day i ate sugar crackers turne to fant and chocolate etc.. it all starts iwth one bad desicion that can throw you back to quare one the scale says i gained 4 pounds form 114 to 118 maybe i was 116 i dunno but i'll check tomorrow morining.
anywyas todayw as such a cool day i was so happy fileld with the lords love. i was nice to everyone.
maybe cursed a lot and didnt give god the time he disserved and i also few of the prank calls were bad not needed at all..
so i'll ask for forgivness now im about to pray and read the bible so
see ya later :)
Thursday, August 13, 2009
LAST DAY OF WEEK ONE !!
last day of week one :)
so excited this week went but awsome not to the MAXX but it was still pretty darn awsome . im happy about that! im giving my time at night to christ today. no computer fun and all that im going to update this then read the bible pray and sleep. YAY tomorrow i get my teeth whitened.
hopefully it really works :)
TOday was awsome we sat on the florr which i always L.O.V.E
i ate pretty well little too much carbs but thats okey ! its funny how it has been 7 days as of today and i am so happy not stressed about my weight and im happy about my body like never before of course through out the week i check the mirror a few times but i wasnt mad or anything jsut looked to see what needed improvement. my abs are more defined now can you belive it. its weird. now you can really see my two pack and it even has a line down the middle ! wow that took me by suprise. i got that from working out once on my abs with the water bottle method i gues it worked . i'lltry and do that Everynight to help i guess !
anyways this week was amazing things have really changed for the better..
and im so happy
so excited this week went but awsome not to the MAXX but it was still pretty darn awsome . im happy about that! im giving my time at night to christ today. no computer fun and all that im going to update this then read the bible pray and sleep. YAY tomorrow i get my teeth whitened.
hopefully it really works :)
TOday was awsome we sat on the florr which i always L.O.V.E
i ate pretty well little too much carbs but thats okey ! its funny how it has been 7 days as of today and i am so happy not stressed about my weight and im happy about my body like never before of course through out the week i check the mirror a few times but i wasnt mad or anything jsut looked to see what needed improvement. my abs are more defined now can you belive it. its weird. now you can really see my two pack and it even has a line down the middle ! wow that took me by suprise. i got that from working out once on my abs with the water bottle method i gues it worked . i'lltry and do that Everynight to help i guess !
anyways this week was amazing things have really changed for the better..
and im so happy
Wednesday, August 12, 2009
day 7 going strong baby !! :P
was great day im about to go to the gym :)
i chatched up wtih the kardasianas and i cant wait for the klowe and kourt take miami
!! so booseted. i have to take care of rokey next weeek should be fun :0 made 3 vidoes or more todya on youtube so they are up and running :)
cleaned bathroom and room a bit :)
so witht he life style chage lol im doing great. im way happier and taking it slow and im happy im down 6 POUNDS baby im down to 114 i was 120 last week wow thats a lot but im not really noticing any difference. i have about about 20 days till school so im excited to see what i can do with my body.
ill keep you updated
i chatched up wtih the kardasianas and i cant wait for the klowe and kourt take miami
!! so booseted. i have to take care of rokey next weeek should be fun :0 made 3 vidoes or more todya on youtube so they are up and running :)
cleaned bathroom and room a bit :)
so witht he life style chage lol im doing great. im way happier and taking it slow and im happy im down 6 POUNDS baby im down to 114 i was 120 last week wow thats a lot but im not really noticing any difference. i have about about 20 days till school so im excited to see what i can do with my body.
ill keep you updated
Sunday, August 9, 2009
day 4 .. hang in there
Today is sunday night 2.19 am dont lsiten tothe blog post time thats messed up lol . today was good for half the day until i ate the injara at bettys restorurant i ate so much oil injara salty spice and injara. :9 not a good idea but i figured it might as well turn into my rest day becuase i didnt do anything . we rented 3 movies little man the messegners scarcrow 2 :) and OBBSESSED it was a great movie so i took a nap and that was it iwoke up at 8.50 and now i am awake as always reading about fitness. this is going to be a quick post nothing special but i did want to say i had temptations today but thats okey i totally accepted what i did and im not mad but i will be more careful next time i guess i mean i cant eat 100 % clean all the time so yea :) but i havent done cadrio in 4 days or more so i really need to do cardio tomorrow and the workout ball and the 2 dvd's i got yesterday i havent had the chace to workout so tommorow im good :)
Saturday, August 8, 2009
BEST DAY OF MY LIFE
yesterday while mom dad me and were siting on the floor and watching the chruch channel something miraclues happned, they guy over the tv was parying and mom started crying and shaking her hand was up the whole time and it was amzing she was never able to hold it up that long. so what happned after that was even more amazing. she told dad she had a dream and she didnt tell us what it was but she said she had a message . she siad dad needed to turn to his old good habits. now he has developed bad habits. she told him to come back to god again. she said dont you see this little girl changing before our eyes. she is reading the bible like never before. before she didnt know a thing about him and now she is filled with his love. she always gives me advice and suprizes me with what she says. she is out angel sent from above to help us she is our flesh. for her to be teaching us is a great thing. she has totally changed and this girl keeps praying and holds on strong she wont lose the battle but you on the other hand have really strayed away from god. and after she said that i felt so valuable. i didnt brag or htink i was " amazing" i still see my self as betty the girl who loves god with all her heart and try's to do her best to fight the battles. there has not been a situation ever where i jsut let it go . i may fail and i have way to many times before but my his grace im stil here going strong but i strive to do my best and sometimes it doesnt come out that way but im still hanging. i find i am way weaker than i though sometimes but thats ok. i get depressed sometimes abandon god a bit but i still know he's there and he loves me and i cant deny that. mom also gave her life to christ yesteray i dont know if it for the first time or recommitment but she was happy and that all i know. she thought me to be thankfull not jsut say oh god thank you for whati have yea yea i have this and that NO! she thought me to be huble and to appreciate what i have. she said we are so fortunate to have all these things. pay all these bills somehow. be happy get clothes we need get everything provided for and be able to help others . god has put us in such a high place we may not be the richest people on the block but we have what we need. all i ask is for him to allow me to growin faith with him i never want to leave him. i want him to show me amazing thing i would love him to use me in some way like healing or evangalizing etc... lets rejoice because he proviedes everything and everything good and pure comes from him. amen. he has opened my heart up. months ago i was different i didnt really know right from wrong and maybe i did and jsut didnt care but regardless my heart has softened its more christ liek nad theres still a lot more work to be done but i have seen him change me and my heart and soul and i know he will do it again and again till i become something he looks at and says' "ahh my doughter how beautifuls she is. she was a sinner but is now washed with my sons blood she was corrupt inside and out the devils were al over her but now she is mine she is washed and pure and i love her.
till i hear those words my job here on earth isnt done. i want to maybe open up a church what ever god has in store for me i want to be a part of idont want to miss my calling. let his will be done. forget about me i want to know more about him. so anyways when mom said those things it felt so great. for someone to see a dream and tell me i am their little gardian angle their strenth their anchor. it felt so goood that i was fortunate enough to be a part of that and so yesterday was by far the most amazing days of my life. i know there are many good to come so amen to that :)
till i hear those words my job here on earth isnt done. i want to maybe open up a church what ever god has in store for me i want to be a part of idont want to miss my calling. let his will be done. forget about me i want to know more about him. so anyways when mom said those things it felt so great. for someone to see a dream and tell me i am their little gardian angle their strenth their anchor. it felt so goood that i was fortunate enough to be a part of that and so yesterday was by far the most amazing days of my life. i know there are many good to come so amen to that :)
day 3 :) and goin strong !
okey its day 3! im happy i am doing suprizingly well. i have had some cravings but i shut them down but they werent that intense anyway. i have learned the key is motivation and consistency and low stress level and overall well being. when one thing is down it affect the toher. for example if spiritual is down then somthing else must go down sometimes the slip is unoticed but somtimes it will make its presence well know! OMG i can see my two packs even better now. i was sore from doing these dwo palities workouts for such a short time so i guess tehy are strong and really target my abs. also when i do my ab workouts im going to try to make them longer like at least 15 minutes every other day t relaly get the muslces strong and POP! havent realy been obsessing over my weight or anything. so im very happy. other days it used to be how much do i weight how much do i weigh ? now its just accepting what it is because im doing according to my plan and it gives me room from mess ups but i can clean them :) dont know why im kinda tlaking in parables today. OKEY im so excited today i proabbly am going to get a an exercise ball :) yay that would make my workouts so much more effective and easier and omg you just dont understand. goign to take my phone there to get it checked out.
this was saved as a draft and i am now finally going to post it sry for the dellay i have been very busy this weekend :)
hah i wrote this yesterday im guessing and wow hahah you had to hear about hte phone incident i got my phone fixed and lsot it in minutes at the store near verizonthe ppl called my mom she was too busy to talk to we went in the next day to get it and its fine :) we had to close the phone lines and everythin gbut now its open yay :) by the wya i got my workout ball yesterday and its so awsome came with 2 Amazing dvd's and a latex palties band i am soooo happy and its only 25 bux for all this damnnn
this was saved as a draft and i am now finally going to post it sry for the dellay i have been very busy this weekend :)
hah i wrote this yesterday im guessing and wow hahah you had to hear about hte phone incident i got my phone fixed and lsot it in minutes at the store near verizonthe ppl called my mom she was too busy to talk to we went in the next day to get it and its fine :) we had to close the phone lines and everythin gbut now its open yay :) by the wya i got my workout ball yesterday and its so awsome came with 2 Amazing dvd's and a latex palties band i am soooo happy and its only 25 bux for all this damnnn
Thursday, August 6, 2009
Exotic fruits & veggies salad recepie
This was really inspired by zuzana from bodyrock.tv
1 apple shopped in small pieces
about 15 regular carrots chopped in circles
kidney beans 1/2 of cup
1/3 of onion
1 Tbs. oregano
1/3 Tsp of turemeric
2 Tbs. light basamic vineggaret (25 calories)
1/3 Tsp. of salt
1 Tbs. parsley flakes
** dressing made separatly
1 apple shopped in small pieces
about 15 regular carrots chopped in circles
kidney beans 1/2 of cup
1/3 of onion
1 Tbs. oregano
1/3 Tsp of turemeric
2 Tbs. light basamic vineggaret (25 calories)
1/3 Tsp. of salt
1 Tbs. parsley flakes
** dressing made separatly
AUGUST SLAM BASH
my last blog says day 1 so forget that day 1 is today lol
i did my hair so i cant workout intensly till saturday or sunday but until that i will do ab workouts :) and get my self together and read and inform myself about eating clean etc.. making new plan that will stick and failure recahrge plan lol and food menue cool recepie3 days in a row to kick start it then every toher day tills school starts even after that i will do it but i might have to switch around my plans so lets get there first. i back at square one so here it goes. but im really serioues this time. idk what keeps getting into me i need to be more serioues. :) i promised my self the new school year was going to be the best ever cause i was going to be so fit ahhh ... till august 31 i have 25 days thats almost a month :) lets make the best of it
i did my hair so i cant workout intensly till saturday or sunday but until that i will do ab workouts :) and get my self together and read and inform myself about eating clean etc.. making new plan that will stick and failure recahrge plan lol and food menue cool recepie3 days in a row to kick start it then every toher day tills school starts even after that i will do it but i might have to switch around my plans so lets get there first. i back at square one so here it goes. but im really serioues this time. idk what keeps getting into me i need to be more serioues. :) i promised my self the new school year was going to be the best ever cause i was going to be so fit ahhh ... till august 31 i have 25 days thats almost a month :) lets make the best of it
Tuesday, August 4, 2009
day 1
so today i woke up at 11 and went back to sleep till 2.30 wasnt tired but bored so yea lol
i ate avocado with milk and sugar not so healthy but it tasted almost the same as last time but wasnt as creamy cuz it wasnt really ready but it was still fine but hard to mash so i had to chop it. it got me pretty full. so im not gonna eat anything for the day except at night which is going to probably be a simple salsa. ahh i really need to ease up on the SALT :)
thats no problem tho i have become used to it when i dieted other days :)
right now im bout to take my vatamin pill and drink green tea :)
and drink y water since i ahvent had any today and in such a short amount of time i neeed to drink now !
see ya
i ate avocado with milk and sugar not so healthy but it tasted almost the same as last time but wasnt as creamy cuz it wasnt really ready but it was still fine but hard to mash so i had to chop it. it got me pretty full. so im not gonna eat anything for the day except at night which is going to probably be a simple salsa. ahh i really need to ease up on the SALT :)
thats no problem tho i have become used to it when i dieted other days :)
right now im bout to take my vatamin pill and drink green tea :)
and drink y water since i ahvent had any today and in such a short amount of time i neeed to drink now !
see ya
Monday, August 3, 2009
something newww
today i met with saleena lizzie and meriana i have to say it felt great to be out :)
it really did well saleena left early so i hung out with lizzie and mariana adn everything was perfect :0
im so happy and hyper dont know why but its good. i also went to the G.Y.M
yay. but i piged out when i got home. okey im tired of pigging out and gaining weight im 120 omg that huge .. everything i worked for is gone but i never lost major weight anywyas so it within the 10 pound range but that a lot for me since im small i cant afford to do so and i take full resposibility because after ocean city i pigged out till now because i ahd worked so hard and i had nothing to look forward to so yea. but now things have to change i have a new goal i want to look sexy for the chool year. im not starting the schol year the same way i began! oh damn taht hit me. well i have 28 days starting tomorrow so i want to get down to at 105 and we will get theree downt worry well at leat 109-110 i dont want to pass the 110 mark :)
that should be my higest. i would love to be 103 tho lol :)
new school yea im excited the workd well *** it i kno things dont come easy but i determind. yay im going to read the bible verses i got from this guy by the screen name of b15hop on youtube :0
hes super cute too hahah
its
EZEKEIL 36:26-27
ISEAH- 1:18
ROMANS-12:1-2
there are many more but these 3 really stood out to me.
im so happy i have been really reading the bible lately not too much but you know things have incresed:)
it really did well saleena left early so i hung out with lizzie and mariana adn everything was perfect :0
im so happy and hyper dont know why but its good. i also went to the G.Y.M
yay. but i piged out when i got home. okey im tired of pigging out and gaining weight im 120 omg that huge .. everything i worked for is gone but i never lost major weight anywyas so it within the 10 pound range but that a lot for me since im small i cant afford to do so and i take full resposibility because after ocean city i pigged out till now because i ahd worked so hard and i had nothing to look forward to so yea. but now things have to change i have a new goal i want to look sexy for the chool year. im not starting the schol year the same way i began! oh damn taht hit me. well i have 28 days starting tomorrow so i want to get down to at 105 and we will get theree downt worry well at leat 109-110 i dont want to pass the 110 mark :)
that should be my higest. i would love to be 103 tho lol :)
new school yea im excited the workd well *** it i kno things dont come easy but i determind. yay im going to read the bible verses i got from this guy by the screen name of b15hop on youtube :0
hes super cute too hahah
its
EZEKEIL 36:26-27
ISEAH- 1:18
ROMANS-12:1-2
there are many more but these 3 really stood out to me.
im so happy i have been really reading the bible lately not too much but you know things have incresed:)
24 HOUR WORsHIP :)
okey so im planning to do a 24 hour lock down probably longer. that because it will start tonight at mid night all the way to tomorrow midnight but thats no use so im going to drag it out till wednesday morning. hopefully the fasting is going well and i dont stop once i come out. thats not my # 1 prority but i would love to continue with the water fasting. hopefully make it to a full 3 day so thats that. and i must say im excited . not nurvoues at all but im a little worried that i will be really lonly but then no gods with me so yea. the whole reason behind this is to take myself away from the world and put my self in gods light. worhip him for a full day probably longer. be at rest and peace with my soul. cleanseing of sins :) and just becomeing a new person in christ. okey so i do have one big wish. i wish he would show me a dream with angles and that has a messgae the best dream by far. i want to learn from him. recive blessing and just pray for the world. :) i belive its something i have to do. i want to do it. i wouldnt say god called me to do it but in a sense im doing it because he has placed it in my heart so yes lol i just want to because last time i wasnt really prepared to fast but i know whats its like and i know what to look for but still its Going to be hard so yes! by the way i looked up devine intervention and wow it means so much. its awsome. it was in my dream once and i didnt really know what it ment and did bother to look it up but now i know yay ! :)
so wish my luck so ehre are the rules
so wish my luck so ehre are the rules
- no eletronics. no cell phones i pod computer t.v etc...
- no looking out of the window
- reading the bible all day
- praying for everything
- seeking god's face :)
- expecting a blessing
- no talking
- no food
- only water
- no cats.
so before midnight notify family and pray and get prepared.
Sunday, August 2, 2009
here it goes again
ms. layla left today about 1 hour ago she spent the night on friday and saturday and today is sunday so she left. it was great we had a lot of great talks we watched the tyler perry the dairy of a mad balck woman play wow it was so moving and excellent. so now shes gone and depressed because she going to be lonly. she brought us milk and it was fresh and nice :)
yea sice she came the diet plan kina was non esistant and i didnt binge but i ate normally.
today im set on my goal i havent ate anything bad yet im good up to now. today dad asked me to go to chinas and i said NO and there was a little argument over that but teddy ended up going to yea... im all alone depressed and lonly. li miss the dieting days when i used to be so excited to see how much weight i lost that morning and all teh determination now its gone and i have gained all the weight andeven more back.. i think im like 120 ahhhh
! but im not mad or anything just takin it day by day. tomorrow im supposed to chill with lizzie and saleena. outside liek the olden days. wow those were the days :)
yea sice she came the diet plan kina was non esistant and i didnt binge but i ate normally.
today im set on my goal i havent ate anything bad yet im good up to now. today dad asked me to go to chinas and i said NO and there was a little argument over that but teddy ended up going to yea... im all alone depressed and lonly. li miss the dieting days when i used to be so excited to see how much weight i lost that morning and all teh determination now its gone and i have gained all the weight andeven more back.. i think im like 120 ahhhh
! but im not mad or anything just takin it day by day. tomorrow im supposed to chill with lizzie and saleena. outside liek the olden days. wow those were the days :)
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