What just happned ?

this is what im going to say to him


so basically i dont allow my self to like someone easily. i will try to avoid it for some reason. maybe its fear getting hurt or something but i do. i know ur a great guy and any girl would be luckey to have you . its not our relationship that made us break up. its me realizing that im not ready to have a boyfried. now being ready can be differnt for people. one person could be ready for what ever reason and another person might not . having somone be with me like that would mean i would have to commit to them and give them all they need. and i dont think i can give my best now. as i told you i see my self dating when im more mature and older. you can call me immature watever but bottom line is that i want to stress over other things than a relationship. cuz i know when ever im dating i always feel there is pressure with school family and i just dont see why its so nescessary to have it. but i do feel you are more mature and ready than i am. you are ready to date and to love someone and be loved and im not. so thats why i told you that you dont have to wait. im happy when in not dating because all the time there is shit that happnes and ours isnt going to be perfect ither. at the same time i know dating someone can change a lot of things and could work out . thinking about the future for me is something fun and i would love to be happy in the future but i dont want to start that journey now. i want to wait till i can say " oke lets do this. im ready. i got nothing on my mind " thats how i want to feel. especially with my parents. i want them to know im dating because i dont want to feel like im hiding from them it should be a happy time for everyone. i belive there is a right guy out there for me but im jsut done with dating this one and that one you kno ? . im tired of it like searching for my future soul mate. i want to know and say that i am ready . but right now i cant say that and i probably would sounds dumb if i said that cause where i am right now i got too much to think about. . and it takes me a long time to let somone in its like i put a guard up. just as much as you im learning about my self. like i said its not you. and im sorry if you feel like i dragged you into this and then said WAIT ! im not ready. it happnes. life is weird at times. i am following my heart and if that means there will be pain or difficult times along the way then be it. im not trying to run away from that so babe .. you get wat i mean ?