LOVE ???

okey so guess whos's not single anymore.
its weird i have wanted a relaionship and to be happy but now that its here im freaking out! honestly i dont like commitment. not that i want to do anything but i jsut dont like it . i guess maybe the submitting to the person all the way and im scared i will be hurt and im scared it wont work out or i wont love the person as much as they love me. because to me when a guy is k=just to loved duvy its weird for me. its too fast for me i guess. i dont know how to handle all these feelings at once. one second im happy another im weird. i dont like that and i dont feel like he feels liek that. i think anthoney feels and likes me a lot and hes feelings are stable but mine are so shakey. i always try to find something wrong for some reason. dont know why but i have done that for as long as i can remeber. its a really bad thing and i want it to stop. sometimes i feel like im saying things to make the other person happy when i dont even know how i feel. for example anthoney said he would cry if he lost me and that i mean so much to him to me its different. if i lost him then i would just moveon i would liek to knwo him better but i think the looks are getting to me. he's cute but then he looks kinds weird. i bet pick something about everyone liek im perfect. im not i have my own insecurities but i dont know why i do that and i want to love as easily as im loved but it takes so much longer. i guess i put this huge wall no one can get to. like sometimes i would want to say something but iw ont because i would be liek ohh this is giving him too much confidence i want to look strong. im being honest and i feel akward when someone loves me more than i love them because i feel so pressured to say all these things that some times i have no control over what happnes its like im on the side line letting things get out of control. maybe i belive people too much. i kist dont know why its so hard for me to say things and mean them. its sad because it makes me feel like i have a cold heart or something. tthe guy wouldnt even have to do anything but i would just dislike him for a bit and them like him so much the next day. im not sure if this is noraml. but its freaking me out. im never sure of anything. but then agian when i think about him he makes me happy and he is so different. getting a text from him makes my heart melt everything that comes out of his mouth is flattering. i guess it takes me way longer than regular people to let someone in all the way.
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