The day my life cam down :(

This year i must say is very intresting. I find my self trying new things and failing and getting up and my eyes have been opned. today all of that has been reaffirmed because i u know what and its been liek 4 months and i broke it. instead of asking the lord for answer even though i know its wrong i just try to convince myself maybe its right. it leads me to watch things i dont want and htink about hings i dont want and thats indianiable . i even told my self i was afraid of his answer because it may be right and i wanted to do it :( what a shame. WE humans are BAD! I dont need it and i feel free without it. Im not as down as other days for some odd reason. I truely feel like it happned for a reason. maybe its because i plan to make up for it. it sure proved i need god more in my life. It proved that he was far away from me because of my choices and i know this life i live is for him and all hapiness is found through him and i feel like i broke all of it. i dont even want to go on anymore but i know i will keep on trying. I have failed so much its like im doomed to fail. Im fating no matter what this week so that i get back on a happy trial and serve him like i shoud wtih my body and mind!