My need for fasting.

Last night as i began to wonder about what i spent my time doing i notcied that it was mostly with youtbe and ofcourse watching nutition . I knew i was begining to stay away fromg od even tho i had read the bible like 3 days straight at new york. I still was far away and i could feel it. as i sat on the computer chair about 9 pm at night sunday i asked myself what happned to the hunger and love oyu had for god what happne dot the countless videos youw atched about god on yotube and the bible reading. what hapned to thedaily church channel and the hours you spent watching it. as i began to realize i hadnt watched the church channel in a long time. Probably at least 2 weeks ? i wasnt seeing dreams anymore. i wasnt interested in god as much any,ore. i was into other things like youtbe and watching about raw foods which has helped me soo much more than i can say to open my eyes into a whole new world to health but i wasnt going to eat my way to god and thats a fact. So sunday night i went down stairs and urged myself to watch some good ol' church channel. After a couple sermons it turned int watching a 3 hour movie of the ten comandments. now mind you i have watched it before but never really understood it wanted to watch it or grapsed even the slightest idea about the movie. i finished watching it and i wanted to fast after eating injara with meat not much of it at all and quite a bit of peanuts with pecans. I went in my bed and decided it was time to get closer to god. I wanted to fast but left it up the tomorrow to decide i woke up still not knowing weather i wanted to fast weather it was right. Now its 12.06 am monday night and I know i need to fast and there i sno doubt about it. I need to make it to thursday morning. I felt very differnet today. i read the bible online and really serched deep within my self to find that i had become very apart and ar from god. I began to question if there was even a god and what religon was right. it becamse eveident that my foundations werent stable. i had noticed myself getting unconfertable during my walk to wgod before and i knew i didnt have the full knowing and confidence i wanted. So here it is after many moths of confusion here i am to break the bonds of being unsure. to break the bonds of being far away from god. to break the bonds of foods addiction. I am weak and i need god to explain t his huge confusion to me. In the begingi of the day i was much more confused than now. i wa s asking questions i couldnt asnwer. Then i came across this show on tv that proved ot me god was real. I feel guilty that i am even in this place trying to be born again when i have been preaching all this stuff about god and i dont even have confidence in him. this is what it is and by the end of this fast i will know him. My mind is going crazy right now but im not some super hereo. i see the need for there to be a god in my life. I will fight till i am free. what i cant handel he will. I truely belive in that i truely belive i will find truth and i already know what it will be. I need to stop beint my self up over this whole situatuion because if i am so far from him and dont know him personally then of course i will be confused.