Thinking.

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Today was the first snow fall of 2009. its looks so good and warmy out. I posted a vid of it on youtube.i really really want to be skinny. i love the feeling it gives me and i want to feel very confertable in my own skin. for me when i like what i see in the mirror that comes from what i eat. Being skinny is a sign that i am eating better. :) i noticed taht i gain weight and lose very rapidly. I want to take 7 days of dieitng to get to my desired look. i want ither fast first or last for 2 days. and eat only raw foods the rest of the week. then i know that i will look good. I will keep up the at least 85 % raw with cooked food here and there.. very healthy and small porions. peanuts need to be aout of my life. I cant eat them . BREAKTHRU ?

well when ever i crave something i dont want to give in but i talk to myself and try to make it

something good when i promised my self it wast. Im losing all hope here and i dont want to live sad and depressed for the rest of my life. i want to be confident and being skinny doesnt mean everything but it means a lot. Im think too far ahead. i need to stay in the moment. get everything i need to do and just call it a day with no bikering and constant complaining. im geting tired of myself.But i still have hope that one day i will be really happy with the way i look. i will be strong mentally and physically. I will be nice to my body and give it what it need. I will be happy in the moment with waves tossig i shall remain untouched.IM really serioues i need to lower my portion sizes and just stick to my goals. i know for a fact that when i ride through tempations it makes me stronger and i need that. I know if i accmplish my mini goals and make o excuses it will be worth it. i get BLIND when the tempations there and all i have said dissaperas into the air. :( I cant plan everything. i must learn throught the process of accomplishing goals. its in my mind i know i can do it and i need to let go of everything. theres this chain i dont want to carry around anymore. will try to release things. i know it takes time. im greatfull im living and breathing and overall healthy.